Principles for safety and self-regulation
- The circle: mutual support and cooperation
- Self care: allows for everyone to take care of themselves, can focus on self because not busy trying to figure everyone else out, are you comfortable, can you be more comfortable, then we can get into a nice regulation and rhythm together
- I statements: accurate reflection, differentiation
- Choice: can say yes or no, no always respected, honored and acknowledged
- Contact: brief and frequent eye contact in group, eye gazing, “your baby likes it when you two look at each other” (to parents), healthy and safe touch, babies need touch for neural development, this is how they know they’re alive and loved, ask, say no, narrate
- Pause: helpful when things speed up and get stacked, “pause and check in with the baby, tell the baby what is happening (with parents)
- Transformation and magic
Nervous System Physiology: Coherency and Regulation
Sine wave is the ideal: experience big events and then can settle and rest
Social nervous system: tend and befriend
Fight, flight: hyper-vigilant, over sympathetic (catecholamines, adrenaline, arched back)
Freeze: over parasympathetic, collapse, curled in
Baby feels these hormones!
Coherence: regulated heart rate variability (HRV)
Cohesive: co-dependence, lack of truth telling, trying to please
Imprinting is ancestral, 85-95% styles passed down generation to generation
Inner body is egg (you), outer body is fetus (your mom), outer outer body is mom (your grandmother)
Can have different styles with each parent
You can tell which style (secure, insecure, disorganized) through:
- How does the baby respond to external stimuli, orienting
- How the baby tracks
Parents often fear of repeating patterns, especially with the first baby
Twins: primary attachment is to each other first, then to parents
When exploring attachment style: in intimate relationships, or stress, how do you: act out? come together? separate? what kind of compensation comes out?
Earning Secure Attachment
- Right support
- Healthy contact
- Making choices
- Re-patterning work with self: letting people do and do for self securely attached parenting/love
- Choice of little one or adult response to trigger
Coming into physical existence there is one level of resistance inherently, in the joining of sperm and egg, spiraling in of spirit to zygote to womb, if there are things going on in the field then there’s more laters of resistance, the more consciousness the less tension and resistance
Places of Contact
Week 1: orienting to space
Week 2: choosing to implant, blastocyst contact- joining to the womb wall in days 5-11, feeling front and back body
Week 4: develop yolk sac, front protection and nourishment, amniotic sac protects back
This is often when parents discover they’re pregnant
Talking about it to baby, naming, “what happened when you discovered you were pregnant?” and talk to baby in womb, this slows down the conversation with parents
More layers: ART, IVF, same-sex couples, surrogates
Exercise: conception journey guided experience
What I noticed: primordial tenseness, distance of father, residue of death in womb from middle sibling, voiceless/stuck/closed throat/freeze, in contact and meeting feel collapse, tenseness from parents not loving each other, mother knew I was there but father further away and can’t sense him, my own babies, sarah, and the first one shem.
Contract: we can play and touch as long as you take care of yourself.
Implantation: contact, to survive, initiation between mother and embryo
Exercise: boundaries, about being in relationship, letting the other person know what you need and can see if they can/want to do that, coming together and going apart, we’re negotiating all the time in relationships
Creative Opposition: a contactful negotiation, conversation, a dance, pushing back to each other, how much space we need for intimacy
- Preparation: build potency
- Follow through: sweetness, joy, being seen and felt
- Integration: letting it land
Home work: tracking connections, moving closer and further, verbalizing, sense into others, reflect on your style and others.
Where are there breaks in continuity? What feelings come in which phase?
Attachment Style: Anxious Ambivalent
- inconsistency of response
- expected rejection
- wants contact but doesn’t settle with it easily
- tracking and obeservation
- confusion and jealousy
- awareness, self witness- observing and skill of tracking
- naming and being listened to in small group, what wasn’t ok, what i deserved
- conscious slow touch and awareness of field
- support in somatic processing of early experiences
- distance- space-choice
- self witness
- self compassion
- choice of how to respond in social nervous system
- initiating and asking for touch
Module 2: Preconception, Conception, Epigenetics
I existed in my mother’s body when she was in her mother’s body at 5 months gestation, I lived inside of my grandmother, and then my mother, her whole entire life. My grandmother was in her grandmother, Nora.
I was born suited to sorrow and freeze
When Sarah was 110 days from conception Shem was conceived, Sarah was getting ready to be conceived during miscarriage of Shem, miscarriage and then conception that was the pattern.
Abortion: I hold that in the mystery
Responding to sound through vibration in bones
Encounter: face of great spirit, mother
Ask for and receive support
My heart is womb for my egg
Make a felted 3 month old fetus- Shem
Painting of embryological development on my back or related body part and photograph, “sucking at the root”
The body is talking all the time, inviting us to notice what is happening with accurate reflection, the more support for the turn person to notice what the body is saying, then we can drop into the very rich material, invite to amplify the movement, do it again, see what is underneath that, do gesture again and meet them in it, so they feel received and met.
Claim our whole body in a coherent way. The health in our system knows the next step, within resonant field, safety and connection, orienting to aliveness and health.
Prenatal Sand Tray
Sit down with both parents before you meet the child if possible so you can hear their intentions, if the child is under 11 then have a parent there, both parents at least some of the time, and always talk to both parents to, if child is older than 11 you’re doing the work in connection with parents but they’re not necessarily in the room, this work is child focused, “this time if for you and your child” and as a practitioner you are in relationship with the paren(s) the way they shall be in relationship with their child, so call them in the evenings and talks things over, responds to their needs, and parents or couples may need their own sessions. When kids go through hospitalization they often feel their mom didn’t protect them and they feel anger.
Child shows compensation patterns to parents’ material.
Talk to parents: how did they understand the play, what did it bring up for them, parents will get the patterns if they’re self-reflective.
Modulate empathy and compassion for others
Have a spreading and wider focus/view
Rushing all in too up close isn’t helpful to the person you want to support
You stay in yourself and modulate
This is coming from patterns of being a fetal therapist for mom, trying to fix and make it better.